lixiesbabyhands:

slashercatz:

hypnoticwinter:

how does it feel to be the funniest person on earth

lastoneout:

senoritaawesome:

bring his ass to a simmer

lightandfireandsunhavegone:

ralfmaximus:

pricklylegs:

My dentist never gives me feetie warmers.

You’re probably not likely to claw the dentist’s face off.

You don’t know that

mostly-funnytwittertweets:

temeraire:

those desktop computer towers with the windows on the sides so you can see glimpses of the computer’s guts and brain as it’s running are like. thats a boob window. youve given your computer the tech equivalent of a sleeveless turtleneck with a heart-shaped boob window.

moth-unit-00:

moth-unit-00:

My horny ass could NOT be the sole mechanic for a mech, alone in the repair bay, talking to the mech’s AI core, discussing the harsh reality of the war we’ve found ourselves in. Me discussing my mortality, the 50ft entity I’ve spent the last several years learning the intricacies of and is fully aware of the fact that as a tool of war it’ll either die in battle or end up abandoned as it’s systems all fail until emergency back-up power keeps it awake for possibly thousands of years. We talk about how neither of us has felt a connection between ourselves and anything else worth dying for like that, except maybe… Well, the rest of the base has almost certainly gone to sleep by now. The cockpit clicks shut with a soft “click” and I. I mean uh, I forgot where I was going with this.

Apparently I’ve struck a chord with the giant robot fucker fandom

adamsmasher:

aurumsystem:

lovelymimic:

Welcome to Mimic Ikea! Don’t worry about it.

is Mimic Ikea one large mimic housing many smaller mimics?

Don’t worry about it

catchymemes:

avatar-tuner:

pros of being a human is that i get to play viddy games. cons is everything else

schaudwen:

manywinged:

manywinged:

it’s rotten work, but without the rot nothing can grow

it’s rotten work but decay is part of the cycle of death and rebirth

All the dead things: Its rotten work

The mushroom internet: Not to mycelium. Not if its you

despazito:

Adult website and period tracker

bisexuhowl:

suazu:

#now onto the more important thing: hummus#edit: i think what really gets me#is the implication that this woman is the only person that the hummus story would ever have worked on#that no one else would have believed the hummus story for even a moment#but this boy just happened to have a mother who did not know until that very moment that her favorite food was hummus#the one person on earth who took a single bite of hummus and thought#this explains all those orgasmic sounds#i need no further explanation#all i care about now is hummus (@unpretty)

sarahsmiller:

ryan gosling this. ryan gosling that. margot robbie made barbie what it is. she OWNED it. put respect on her name

gelatins:

idk how you guys can send anon hate, like i can’t even send a nice anon without being scared that i didn’t hit anon and now they know

calamitys-child:

calamitys-child:

calamitys-child:

Just rediscovered potentially the funniest thing I’ve written in recent memory

Imagine if people wrote all their Les Mis modern aus in the style of Victor Hugo

An excerpt